The Living Regiment

Sleeping Yet Not Rested

2008-12-05T19:47:00.001-08:00

The coolest thing happened to me last night. I spent time with God despite knowing the fact that I will miss out on sleep and have to get up only four hours later to go to work. My spirit was so thirsty for God's Word and to be able to talk with Him for a while.

You are probably thinking, "Yeah, so what?! I spend time with God too." Here's a question: "Have you ever had those nights where you slept plenty, but you felt like you got no rest whatsoever?" I have, and I have experienced this many times. But I know the reason why; I didn't spend time with my Savior. My body was satisfied, but not my spirit. How many days have you ever been without spending quality time with God and have just yearned for His voice? I know for me I have spent months doing this; and I became deathly ill, spiritually.

Recently, a lot has been on my mind. Thoughts like: where am I going to college next year, what will be my career in the years to come, who will become my wife (or will I ever get married, and what is my ministry. I have prayed to God almost every night, begging for these answers; and in the middle of the stress, I fell asleep. Don't tell me that is a great way to fall asleep, because it isn't! I hate it!!

Last night, Bryan Andress and I were conversing about something, and he gave me some verses to meditate on. I was in the state of distress and fear. I got off of Facebook and my entire being wanted to spend time with Jesus Christ, and so I did. I can't explain the peace and rest that I received that night.

I have a tendency to write out my thoughts as I read Scripture. To those who have been involved in some Word of Life program can understand what I mean. With these questions in mind, one of the first verses was Romans 8:28-29a, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined...". This basically says that no matter what I do in this life, if I truly love God and fear Him, then everything will work out.

Okay, yeah I believe everything will work out, but I am still scared! How do I fix that? "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. ...For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" (I John 4:18, 5:4-5). It seems like God has a response for everything.

When do I know to jump or wait a bit before doing so? "Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD! ...My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him." (Psalm 27:14, 62:5). Alright, so all I need to do is wait patiently until the Holy Spirit tells me otherwise.

What if I screw up? "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes..." (Proverbs 3:5-7a). So trust God, and everything will fall into place.

Matthew 6:25-34:

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

God also reminded me this, "Know that the LORD, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture." which is found in Psalm 100:3. I did not create my own life, neither did this world. God did, meaning I am His creation. If I am His own possession, will He not care and provide for me? Of course!! Then why worry?

It is not like I am going to face this life alone. God promises me in Isaiah 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you." What a promise, especially a promise to sleep on!

After I read a lot of these verses (some of these passages were just added), I felt a peace inside that told me, "Everything will be alright. Don't worry." I went to bed and instantly fell asleep. I woke up four hours later, fully refreshed and set to face another day. Tell me this, God is good!

So I encourage you all who have read this, if your body is rested and your spirit is not, it is probably time to have a talk with God. He will calm your spirit and give you promises that go beyond human comprehension. I'd rather have a rested spirit than a rested body. Your mind and spirit control everything else.

Your brother in Christ,
Mark Parkhurst

A Prayer For The Gallows

2008-11-20T18:10:00.000-08:00

Lord,

Why is it so hard for me to simply believe upon Your promises? Do they not have enough proof or evidence that they will be fulfilled? You put Your Son's own life on the line to prove to us that You are true, and that You are faithful, and that You truly love us. Then why is it so hard for me to believe?

Is it my gullibility to Satan's deceptive words? Is it the "advertisements" of what the world offers and the satisfaction that it promises? Is it the temptation of my flesh that makes me believe that the temptation will go away if I simply give in? No! It wasn't any of these, but it was my choice.

It doesn't take much to follow, Lord; for that is what we are...followers. But what am I a follower of? You? It doesn't appear that way. In fact, I take the cards in hand and play out what best suits me; therefore, I am a follower of self.

O King Self, what can you give that which is not already given? What can you create that which has not been already created? You only take that which God has created and use them for self pleasure, but they are only distortions, not the real deal. Self and Satan, you are one in the same in God's eyes; and you deserve to be punished.

Tonight is the night you will be hung. The gallows are ready and you will suffocate and then burn. I am a sinner, worthy of Hell and the punishment meant for me. Why do You, Lord, bow before Your Father, and take every beating for me? Lord, I am the one at fault, not You. It's been years that You've been through this, and yet, You do so willingly. Lord, You always amaze me.

If that is what true humility is, then let me be Your disciple of humility and teach me Your ways. Let the world and its lust fade away, so that my focus will only be on You. Do not let me go back!! I hate it! I HATE IT ALL! False promises that break on the concrete floor is what they are. If it is what it takes, then break me. Break me completely! My life doesn't matter anymore, only You. It is not I who live, but the One who lives in me. Lord Jesus that is You!

Forgive me for all those times that I have betrayed You, and You took it all for me. I do not deserve Your love, but You love me anyway. Why? Who cares! Simply let me stand in awe of Your love! Here I am running up the hill to my death, and now, I will put an end to this idol of self. Do the honors of putting that rope around my neck. I want to be set free! No more sin, no more self, no more empty promises, no more pain, and no more to a bruised and broken Spirit; for tonight, I die to self. Let love control me completely, and let it possess me with Your strength alone. Lord, You win, not I!

In Your name,
Amen

Thoughts Before "Bones Beneath Blades"

2008-11-20T18:09:00.002-08:00

You are probably looking forward to my new poem (I think that it will turn out that way)...probably not. It doesn't matter. I just wanted to share some thoughts before I write it. As you can tell from just my status alone, it's about sin and it's temptation. "Beneath the ever turning blades, I see something glisten. My surrounding fades, and my ears begin to listen to a voice. It's temptation's call!' (words may change).

As Christians, we should all hate sin and it's affect on us, but we are so easily bribed by Satan's tasty morsels! It only takes "pieces of candy" to draw us away from Christ into a living hell. We all know he is a liar from the beginning, yet we run to him always as if he were a loyal friend. We believe his lies to be true until the aftermath; then we cry to God for help. Satan is good at what he does, and we need to realize we are ever so gullible. You see, Satan uses a light within the darkness to catch our attention, the best tactic to use because of it's contrast. It strikes within us a curiosity. It's this curiosity that kills us.

Why can't we just believe on the promises of God? Why do get so easily drawn away from this path of righteousness? It's not like we always want to! It's just a disease within us that is hard to get rid of; in fact; it's impossible to be rid of this disease until our flesh dies. I mean that both spiritually and physically. Spiritually, we can be freed from it's bondage by giving ourselves to Jesus Christ, but only the bondage was broken. The sin still remains in our flesh. We will always bound be to sin in this life until we physically die and are before the presence of God in Heaven.

But before I end this message, I simply want to go into one thought I recently had. We all say that sin is pleasurable at the moment, but is that really true? Like I just said, Satan is liar, especially from the beginning. But what if those very words are a lie in itself? What if we were made to believe that by Satan himself? What I mean is this. What if Satan made us to think that sin is enjoyable? Is it the process of sinning that is enjoyable? Or is it the thought of it that is enjoyable?

We have the Holy Spirit within us which we are to live by. The flesh and Spirit war against each other. It's like a Jekyll and Hyde game. Whether it's the Holy Spirit or our flesh, the one with most power and determination will win. If one is dominant, the other is going through hell (being ripped to shreds). So if we are choosing to live in sin for just one moment, the Spirit will be torn into shreds; therefore, how can it be enjoyable? The Spirit is connected to our soul (since it is the life we are now living by), making it ever more painful as we sin.

I think it is not the process that makes it enjoyable, but it is the ecstasy of thinking we are enjoying the sin, but in fact, we are putting our Spirit through torment. It's like the thought of it numbed us completely, therefore we truly don't have a clue to what we are doing to ourselves. It's not until we see our wounds that the pain starts kicking in. It's then we start to cry in utter pain unto God, "God, what is going on! Why am I in pieces?!"

All that is written is just man-made thoughts. I haven't gone to Scripture to see if it is actually true. If you disagree or see differently, please write back! Oh yeah, look forward to what is to come!

Don't Explode! Too Much Is At Stake!

2008-11-20T18:09:00.001-08:00

am writing this note to everyone who is so obsessed with not wanting to fall and fail. I was there once, but God has taught me so much over the years. It's funny how ten years can teach you a lot. Well, here we go.

Ten years ago, I was a lost boy, trying to figure out what in the world makes a person completely satisfied in life. I searched and searched and eventually found Christ; but on the way I picked up some beliefs that were false. The main one was to be good, and God will be happy. You know: God is good, therefore man needs to be good. After that, the equation is satisfied; but I wasn't. It was in failure that I came to Christ, but God loved me despite my failures. He doesn't care if I have failed, but He cares that I run into His arms.

Then why is it that we take failure so far then. Simple, we place upon ourselves human standards that have no value or worth. Look at society! Look at America! Look at politics! Look at Judaism! Look at the Catholic church! Look at the stiff-neck Christians engulfed in rules!

In society, you have to dress a certain way, act a certain way, and think a certain way. If you don't, you are a reject, a rebel, a failure. As a kid, you must be loved and left unto your own imagination. Discipline makes a child cry; therefore, "we won't allow that". If you put down the child's ideas, then you are breaking the child's artistic inspirations and self-esteem,; therefore, "let them believe what they want". But once you hit high school, all imagination and all freedom must stop. Facts, law, and responsibility is everything now. You have to deal with high school politics as well. They tell you which chic to go out with, what friends you need, what job is best, what music rocks, what clothing to wear, and what is "cool"! By the time you survive high school, you are demanded to go to college. Only those successful in college go places and have a good life; so you spend buttloads of money to go to some college, getting yourself in debt. After that, you have to get married; if you don't, you will be miserable alone. The rest of your life, you are called to work hard and save up for retirement, while getting the newest and coolest toys. Once you get old enough, you are told to retire and use the money you earned for enjoyment before you breathe your last breath.

They all follow these rules and certain ways to live life; but failure is always creeping on their doorsteps. The children corrupt their own minds and go on their way unrestricted, spoiled, and rebellious. They get into high school with this mentality, not caring about the rules and laws. They freak out over all the responsibilities and make stupid decisions. By the time they are adults, they are in jail for numerous crimes; and they see no wrong doing because they trained their minds that way as kids. If it is the perfect chic to date, then why have they gone through three other girls already, leaving behind broken hearts? If they are the best friends to hang out with, then why do they stab you behind your back all the time and let you slip and slide off the edge of reality? If it is the greatest job, why does it pay so low and consume all your time? If it is the greatest music, then why does everyone want to commit suicide after they look closer into the lyrics and take drugs? If it is the sweetest stuff to wear, then why is one paying so much for something that only lasts a few weeks; and why are girls paying so much for something that is so small on themselves? Girls, you are going to catch a cold sometime. If it is a relationship you want, then the clothes you wear (or not wear) will attract the man that cares more about your body than the heart inside. Oops! You're pregnant! I warned you!! If it is the coolest new thing to say or do, then why are the 80s back in style? Don't listen to society!

Personally, the whole legalistic Christian thing hits so close to home for me. Two years after I got saved, I fell into the trap that rules are what make a Christian a stronger one. I thought that listening to anything above Contemporary Christian music and worship was a sin. I thought that I can't be free to watch tv and movies; and I definitely cannot hang out with the unsaved in fear that I might follow their ways. Pretty much for about five years, you could call me a legalist. It wasn't until the end of 9th grade, I soon realized that rules only bring about misery. They were all self-made; and they kept me away from Christ and His true purpose. Christ wanted a loyal friendship with me, not another rule to add to the rulebook. That is what kept the Jews from acknowledging Christ as the Messiah. They thought that rules would save them from failure. They never realized that in failure we come to Christ. I prayed to Christ about the whole music thing. After a week of much prayer, my music boundaries expanded (Christian Rock, Rap, and Screamo). Eventually, I broke away from the rules I created, and the pressure was gone. Yeah, some looked at me as some Christian rebel in a sense, but they saw how much stronger I trusted Christ and how I was drawing closer to Him.

I was also a workaholic, big time! In school if it wasn't an "A" I got, I thought that I failed. High standards you think! By the end of tenth grade, I loosened up. I was faithful in my work, but I would be satisfied with whatever grade I got, no matter the cost. For you college people, you have big responsibilities. You need to get through college without failing or you will have wasted a year, and a bunch of money too. Don't get stressful! God is the God of all things. He is the God over school and money and your grades. If you truly trust Him, then all your efforts will work out to a good of some sort, yes even in our so called "failures" (Romans 8:28). If you failed, then God wanted you to learn something and trust Him for your future.

When we stress out over life, rules, friendships, relationships, and ministry, you are building up pressure that wants to release somewhere. If too much pressure builds up, I swear to you that you will commit suicide of some sort, whether it be death itself or a death to a relationship once strong in Christ. Your life is worth much more than failure, stress, and rules. God loves you more than you will ever know. He is the God of perfection. Perfection will one day see you without failure, for you will be made complete in His image. We are an arrow, racing toward a target (Heaven), in the hands of a skillful Archer (God). He knows exactly what it will take to reach the bulls-eye. You are simply to step back and enjoy the ride. You may have a few obstacles to go through, but hold in there. Your physical life will meet its end soon; and God will bless you for not backing down. Let Love control! I look at failure as an instance for God to display unspeakable perfection and power. From every ash pit, there is a phoenix rising up!

Twenty Going On Ten

2008-11-20T18:07:00.000-08:00

Yeah, today was my birthday (09/23/2008); the funny thing is that I almost forgot that it was. It seems like that I am not as excited as I used to about my birthday. It's not like I get presents anymore. In fact, I don't care whether I get presents and cake or not. It pretty much is to me another year to add to my age.

You are probably wondering what is implied by the title of this note. Well, there are two things. Yes, physically I am twenty years old; but spiritually, I am ten. Ten years ago, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, which is way better than my physical birth. A lot has changed since then...and a lot hasn't. This is where the other implication comes in.

I pretty much look at myself and see a man that has matured in some ways; but in many other ways, I need some improving. Yeah, I am out of high school and have a job at Dunkin' Donuts in Chichester. I'd never thought that I would have to be 19 in order to get my license, and twenty in order to get "my first car" (still technically the Holzmacher's). I'd never thought that I would be living with my friend Keith Donovan for 9 months, and then start living with my sister for a year. Physically, I need to improve on getting somewhere and stop relying on everyone else to help me out. I need to find what I am going to do in life and run with it, with or without wind in my sails.

It didn't take much to understand how much I need God when I was searching for salvation, but the funny thing is that as every year goes on, I continually am learning how much more I need Him. To tell you the truth, I hate my humanness. After my sister asked me how I felt about being twenty, I said, "It is one year closer to meeting my Redeemer." I mean that seriously. Some would take it as a joke, but I am not. I hate the fact that I fail time and time again. God is so faithful to me, yet I am so unfaithful to Him. You would think that after ten years that I would be diligent in my quiet time to Him daily, but still, I go for weeks sometimes not reading His Word. You would think that I would be better at forsaking sin. But no, I still "jump over the fence".

When will the time come when I will grow up?! When will the time come when I am wholly devoted to Him?! When will the time come when I give up on self and love others?! When will the time come when I allow God's love to control me, period?! I am looking forward to that day when Christ will come and take me home to Heaven, where I will be completed in all His glory. But that time is not now, and I can't live in the future while in the present. I can only do things now to affect my future. Am I building myself a mansion or a tiny shack?

Another thing that is on my mind is the system. What do I mean by the system? I mean the system that America has created. A system where people are brainwashed into the "American ideal". A place where Americans work their butts off, attempting to satisfy a means that which cannot be satisfied through human hands. We are taught that money is good and all, and how it can buy "pleasure". We've created for ourselves an idol that we do not realize. I welcome you to the "golden piggy bank", a bank that is so full of "riches", yet too heavy to bring to Heaven.

I tell you this, I find myself sometimes falling into this trap. I am receiving money that I have never had before. Yeah I am storing it up for college and so I can financially get stable to live on my own. But the scariest thing is that I am forgetting the One giving me all this. So what that I am working hard for it, it all still belongs to God. I found myself this week so caught up in work that I haven't spent anytime with Christ. This is where I say I hate life with all its traps. The American system alone can ruin a man's relationship with Christ.

So here it is, I love God and I hate this physical life. Yes, God gave it to me, but I find the flesh to be a distraction for what God truly purposed me to be. Recently, I have been on this kick with brokenness. I guess that is what I truly want this year. Not another Cd, not another paycheck, not another thing to entertain me for the moment, but I want true brokenness in my life. I want my flesh broken into submission that the Spirit may be set free, free from suffocation. I want the Lord of all to show me even further that I am nothing but a vapor that will only exist for a short instance. I want God to be my joy, my comfort, and my pleasure. When there is nothing left for the flesh to grip onto for power, it's dominion is over, and Christ has won. I am sick of this Jekyll and Hyde game. This time I want Christ to win!

Broken To Humilty

2008-11-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

You are probably wondering what in the world this is going to be about. I am wondering the same, but I have somewhat an idea. Recently, I read a book about brokenness, and it talks about how we tend to think that brokenness is a bad thing. It is a bad thing, right?

Well it depends on what your idea of brokenness is. You see, we can be downcast all the time and think of how wretched we are, but yet we are not glorifying God. If that is our only focus, then we are thinking about ourselves, not God. Whether if we think ourselves to be high up or low down, there is some way to still be focused on ourselves, meaning we are in sin.

Now, this may sound strange, but I do not want to go off about the "nose up in the air" pride. Why? Well, we grew up being taught how pride brings about a fall. I want to go in the depths of my own heart, and share the other end of pride.

Ok, I think of myself to be pretty lowly. I've accepted the fact that there will always be someone out there who is better than me. Yes, someone who knows more about Christian music and bands out there and owns more CDs than I do...Kyle McFarland. I have also humbled myself to the point of not caring how others treat me, good or bad. You could call me a pretty humble guy...at least that is what you think! This is where brokenness and humility have it's limit.

I think of myself so low sometimes that I even wonder how God could even use me, or whether I even have a purpose in this life other than to see God's amazing display of glory and power. I have shared the gospel with a few friends, but they never seem to get it; or they do, they just don't live by God's grace as they should. Maybe I am not a good evangelist? I have done really well in school and even gotten amazing grades, but I always seem to forget what I have learned and don't know how to apply it to real life. Maybe I am not a great learner? I try to make lots of friends, but I am quiet and misunderstood, being often considered a "misfit" (the unpopular group). Maybe I am not good at socializing?

Maybe not this and maybe not that...blah blah blah. You only are what you are because you made yourself that way. How does this have anything to with brokenness? It seems I have a problem with confidence, but failure to have confidence is a problem with brokenness. How? If you are always putting yourself down (lying down like a rug) for everything and everyone to walk all over you, you are not living out a life of true brokenness; more so, a life of torment. You are crushing your spirit to pieces because you think you are not good enough and not useful.

Then why did Jesus Christ die on a cross for me? Was it to show me even further how small I am? Maybe, but it was also to take me from the "pits in society" and make me a child of His Kingdom! Yeah, I was spiritually poor, useless, and lonely; but God died that I may not forever live that way. What needs to be broken is not my spirit or my physical body, but my will!

I was sinning every time I thought so low of myself and did nothing about it. I failed to have a broken will and not lived humbly unto Christ's will. I could of taken that attitude and become a servant to all. (humility); even though I hate serving those on their time and not my own, I could do it out of a grateful heart (brokenness). Humility is submitting yourself below another; brokenness is weakened strength. Brokenness and humility go hand in hand.

God doesn't care if you are broken. He cares more about what you are broken over; and then what you will do about it. If I sinned, I can be broken over the fact that I got caught, or I could be broken over the fact that I sinned against God, Who died for me on a cross that I may be free from sin's bondage. If we went with the first scenario, I would display pride by sharing the least possible with the person who caught me "red handed" and say sorry to God but never take action to prevent it from happening again. If we went with the second scenario, I would display humility and brokenness by confessing what I've done both to God and others and make a plan of never returning to that sin again (true repentance). It's the same thing if I think of myself too low and useless.

No, I am not useless, because God has given me Himself, the Holy Spirit, to accomplish anything He wills. Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Therefore, I can never be useless, for I can do anything through Christ Who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13), because it is Christ living through me. Again, look at how everything points to Christ, not to self. We can get so caught upon ourselves that our focus is not on Christ.

To those who feel so low, rise up from the ashes before the Trash Man sweeps you up with the ashes of your former self. You have a choice to move on. I know, you're a wretched sinner who put Christ on a cross like me; but if you realized and accepted what He's done, you are forgiven. Therefore, live out the newness of life that He has given you to the fullest. We have one life to live, and you make it for what it's worth.

To those who have a pride issue in the sense that you think you are too good, I suggest a daily dose of the Scriptures, especially Philippians 2:1-8. It says, "THEREFORE if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross." Romans 12:10, 16 says the following: "Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another...Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion." Remember, your so called righteous deeds were not good enough to save you, Christ's righteousness was.

To those who are maybe caught in between humility and pride, I say one thing, "Life is way too short!" Don't get so caught up in your frailty or your "new clothes". We are frail and the "expiration date" is coming soon; don't let all that "juicy goodness" that Christ made you to be go to waste. There is a lost world out there who doesn't even know that there is life beyond their cage. There is a multitude of Christians who simply need some love and encouragement. Maybe you think you are too good to help them out? Maybe you think that you can't accomplish the job? It doesn't matter; Christ's command still remains: "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12). Christ is the prime example of humility and brokenness!

A Mask Wearing Thin

2008-11-20T18:05:00.000-08:00

A false front
Ingeniously made
To hide in the shade
Of a mask wearing thin.

A shadow in the dark,
Hard to see.
Light can’t touch
And reveal transparency.

I feel so cold,
Yet burning hot.
Close to coals
And Heaven not.

Precautions made
And thought out well,
To watch them burn
As I live in hell.

I know this place,
But it feels so new.
I thought it could save me
But it wasn’t You!

Shadows look the same
When there is no light.
Am I to blame,
As I walk in midnight?

Memories of the past
Come so slowly.
Where light would last
And I was holy.

The days of a Kingdom,
A prince was I.
Bought with a price
By the Lord, Most High!

He changed my life
And made me see,
To avoid this strife
Of sin’s slavery.

Have I strayed?
Or did He hide?
Did He run?
Or did I slide?

He was watching
When I went my way.
When I obeyed Him,
And when I went astray.

I see it now,
Now so surely.
Like rays of light
In the morning, early.

The dawn has come.
Night waves goodbye
Truth sings out
Deception’s final lullaby.

God save me!
From my fallen state
And from my heart of hate
Cold and weary, I have become!

Kill me now!
While You have the chance.
Before my sins enhance
And destroy me fully!

I deserve Your wrath,
A wrath unknown.
A Son You’ve shown
To love and forgive me.

Wretched am I,
A Savior’s friend,
To take my sin
And it, defend!

To take Your blood,
Poured out freely.
Mix it with mud,
Saying, “I love You dearly!”

What a liar!
A wolf I am!
The one who got tired
And killed the Lamb.

I see the cross
And its victim.
A mother’s loss!
God had picked Him.

To save a sinner,
A sinner like me.
So far from truth,
Now set free.

Here’s the question
I want to know.
Was I saved?
Or was it a show?

A Change for Once...PLEASE!

2008-11-20T18:03:00.001-08:00

If you have read my "About Me", you can see that I am not enjoying life as much as I want. This time, I am not going to list a bunch of verses like I normally do, throughout this whole note. I am going to to freely write! If there is something wrong with what I am saying, please feel free to point it out; I don't want to be in sin.

Okay, currently I am stuck at a point in life where everyone is discovering what they want to do in life and going off to college, and I am stuck here to wait. I thought that it was God's will for me to go off to college this year, but I realized that I still didn't have a clue as to what I want to do in life. I saw that it wasn't wise to get myself in debt, trying to discover what it is that I am suppose to do. I'd rather get myself somewhat in debt, knowing what I am striving for and moving in that direction.

Even though God was telling me, "No!", in the first place, I tried to open doors that weren't meant to be opened. I first tried Liberty University for a long time, but God showed me that it was expensive and all the way out in Virginia. Yeah, I got accepted and all, but I saw an issue. Why go out there when I can't even afford here (New Hampshire)? God closed that door.

So then I thought that there must be another college that is cheaper and closer. "I don't know what to do in life, so why not try a Bible college", I said to myself. I tried for the Word of Life Bible Institute in New York, and there I got accepted. I was happy and positive that this is where God wanted me to go. After a while, issues started to pop up out of nowhere. I still didn't get the financial help I needed, and it was important that I have health insurance. I tried to figure out every possible way to go, but time started to run out. I needed to make a decision and quick.

I talked to my youth leaders in my Youth Group, They all said that if I were to go this year or next, I still have a bill to pay. They leaned more towards me waiting a year. I talked to others in my church, and my answer was wait a year. Lastly, I talked to my sister and her husband, who I am living with currently. At first, they said that I had to go to college this year before I moved in June; then they said that it would be wise to wait a year.

I finally got sick of people telling me their advice and stuff, so I turned to God. He said the same thing. I decided that night that I wouldn't go to college. I cannot explain the peace I felt that night, a peace that surpassed understanding. As I prayed and read His Word, He revealed to me that I was a people pleaser. Whatever the majority said, I would go in that direction. He showed me that I was like a boat on the waves, being tossed back and forth.

All my life, I was choosing the paths that everyone would advise me to walk on. I never really made a choice that was authentically my own, except when I chose Christ to be my Savior. That night, I made a choice that was my own and in the face of opposition, not knowing what next lies ahead. Finally, I am trusting God with my whole life, even though it may not be the normal thing to do. I have grown closer to Christ so much by simply breaking down a wall that was getting in the way.

You may be thinking to yourself, "Mark, you're the biggest idiot I know!" So what! For once, I don't really care! I am going to place my whole trust in the God Who made me and has the whole thing under control. Yeah, still I have no clue what I am to do next; but I am trusting that God does.

At the same time, I am frustrated though, because I have to sit and wait while everyone else is moving torward their goals. Everyone is getting married, getting a career started, and finding their ministry. I am sick of it!! When will that chance come for me? When will God's blessing finally pour out on me? What have I done to make Him disfavor me? When will the sucky life end and the good one come? WHEN?!! Someone tell me, please; because I am sick of waiting. I am not asking for riches and to be treated like a king. All I want is to move on. Maybe only Heaven can offer all that I want.

All I want here on earth is a change. A change that only Christ can give. No, it's nothing that I was asking above. It's a renewed focus! When you look at all that I mentioned, it is self-focused. It is not what I should get from God, but what I should give to God. Yeah, life may suck right now, especially when I have to wait here and be patient; but sitting here in my own pity party is not getting me anywhere. I need to open my eyes to all those that are hurting and give them encouragement. I need to share the hope of Christ to those who don't know it yet.

What am I doing now to change my tomorrow to further His Kingdom? What am I doing now that will last for all eternity? Building riches on earth that won't last? Am I truly striving for what is real? Is a job more important than those who I work with who are going to Hell? Is an ego more important than those I need to show love to? Am I the one who is on the throne, or is Christ? Am I all that I need, or do I need the One Who gave me life?

For once, I see that it is not the situation that needs to change; but it is me. See, God said that those who are in His light will be satisfied in whatever situation he or she is in, whether it be good or bad. Does a situation define who I am, or does God? I often lose focus of this. I think we all get caught up in the cycle of how the world defines life. We get caught up in the system which God calls us out of. America doesn't own us, nor does money, or people, or circumstances, or our dreams, or our needs. Christ does! The change I need is not a change in circumstances, but a change in what I am truly striving for. It has been revealed that Christ wasn't, but I.

What next? Do I simply be in the Word more as well as pray more? I am doing that alrady. So what is it that I really need to do? Complete surrender! I need to surrender all that I am to the Maker, all my wants, all my needs, and all my dreams. I need to do this not only in the small things, but also in the big. In Christ, victory can't come without surrender. It is okay if we are weak, because His strength is perfected in our weakness.

We don't need to know where we are going now, because we know our final destination is Heaven. We simply need to listen and follow. If Christ wants us to sit here for a while, then that is what we need to do, despite how boring it may be. If Christ wants us to run uphill at full force when we don't know how far it is to the top, we keep running, despite how much it hurts. If Christ wants us to jump off this cliff into the ocean, then we jump, despite how much fear we have stored inside. If Christ wants us to talk to others along the way, we speak boldly and truthfully, despite how much pride we have built over the years. If Christ wants us to die today, we die joyfully, despite the dreams we wanted to attain. Christ is our beginning, our middle, and our end.

I hope this note has been an encouraging one, even though at times it sounded depressing. I wanted to share my heart with both the good and bad. I wanted to be transparent, not hiding anything. I wanted to show that I am not perfect and have issues like everyone else; but through it all, I trust God. Trust Him, no matter what you may be going through. You won't be disappointed! Thanks for reading this!

Let's Be Rebels

2008-11-20T18:01:00.000-08:00

It may be very weird hearing me say something like this. If I were to create a band name, I would be called "The Rebellious Uprising". Why?! Well, it all started with a song called "About A Burning Fire" by Blindside. Yes, I know they are a hard rock band, but they are Christians! The second verse goes like this:

About A Burning Fire
By Blindside

Verse 2:

Love is destructive for the ego
And Your voice is the only thing
That speaks rebelliously in this world of claiming your own
There is no peace outside if there's nothing within
Love is addictive for the spirit
And Your voice whispers with a roar
That fire rises up, refills
Place the right King on the throne

The part that goes "And Your Voice is the only thing that speaks rebelliously in this world...and Your voice whispers with a roar...Place th right King on the throne." is what caught most of my attention. It made me think of how we Christians are technically rebels in the eyes of this world.

If you haven't noticed by now, it's totally unpopular to be a Christian. Every other religion or religious thought is accepted, except Christianity. Why?! Why is it that this religion is the most hated religion of all? I mean some of the beliefs are almost similar to Christianity. The answer is quite clear actually! People hate to hear the truth.

Jesus Christ said in John 14:6, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." These are some demanding words; everyone who wants to know God must go through Jesus Christ, meaning to believe and trust Him. Why do we have to do that? Well, Scripture says in Romans 3:23, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." If we have sinned, we have also fallen from God's presence, because unholy man cannot approach a holy God. (I Peter 1:15-16). Sin is not acceptable! Because we are sinners, Romans 6:23 says that our payment for sin is death. Yes, we all know that everyone must physically die at some point in their life; but this speaks of a spiritual death, a death much greater than physical death. God has the power to not only kill the body, but also cast your soul into the fiery pit of Hell because of your sin. (Luke 12:5).

So what in the world do we do to free us from the judgment of sin? Can we escape Hell? Most certainly! Jesus said that through Him we can know God, meaning we can approach this Most Holy Being. All one needs to do is acknowledge that Jesus Christ (the Son of God) came to earth in the form of man to be sacrificed on the cross in order to satisfy the payment of sin. Because of His bloodshed, we are now saved from the chains of sin and the judgment meant for us, and we can now approach God's holy presence. (Romans 5:9, Ephesians 2:13, Colossians 1:14). Along with the acknowledgment of Christ's sacrifice for the payment of our sins, Romans 10:9-10 tells us, "that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."

It is really quite that simple, but it is so hard for many to do this. John 3:19 says, "And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil." They are unwilling to surrender their lives to Christ because they value their will, their pride, and their sin much more than the freedom that Christ offers. (Matthew 16:24-25). New life cannot be given unless the old life has died. I do not mean commit suicide or anything like that, but I mean they must put away the deeds of unrighteousness they once lived by and live a life of righteousness and holiness unto God. (I Corinthians 13:11, II Corinthians 5:17).

But today, everyone does not care if they are sinners or not; just don't take away their happiness. If we interfere by saying that they must give up the sins that they enjoy, then they get ugly. They want to say that all paths lead to some sort of "heavenly state" where they will meet their god(s). They claim that we all must be tolerant of all beliefs, but they are intolerant of Christianity because it is intolerant of the tolerance of sin and darkness.

Christ said that the world will hate Him and those who associate with Him. (Luke 6:22, John 7:7). We will be persecuted for our love for Jesus Christ and will be killed for the truth that we believe. Is it comfort that we live for? If yes, then we are building a castle in the sand that will be wiped out by the coming waves. If no, then persecution is then received with pleasure; and nothing keeps us away from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:35). You are therefore taking a stand for His kingdom, even in the face of opposition.

That is why I am saying, "Let's be rebels!" Let us be rebellious to the sin nature of this world, a world that glorifies sin and pleasure in twisted ways. God is considered the leader of this rebellion already. Why do we hide away from the fingers pointing at us and the voices yelling, "Isn't he/she one of those Christians?!" II Timothy 1:7-10 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel."

Do not allow sin to have a hold on us, but be conformed into the image of Christ. (Romans 12:1-2, Galatians 5:16, I Peter 2:11). Let's be soldiers who press on toward the Kingdom of Christ, even through the hardest times, not letting the things in this life entangle us. (II Timothy 2:3-4). Let's be bold witnesses who follow the Great Commission found in Matthew 28:19-20.

I want to say that we are it right now; it is our time. When our life is over, we don't have a second continue, like you would see in most video games. God gave us a second chance to live for Him. Don't waste it! I Peter 2:9-12 says, "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy. Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation." Our lives are now forever changed. We have new life and a new purpose. Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

Isaiah 40:7-8 tell us that mankind is like grass that which will fade, but God's Word will remain forever. We have all eternity to live spiritually, but we have only a short time on earth. In this short time, let's pour our lives out both to God and this world, a world that is in so desperate need of a Savior. The blessings we will receive will be far beyond what this world will offer, as I Corinthians 9:24-27 says, "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified." Again, be rebellious to what is false and fading; and live for what is true and eternal! Here is a good song to end this:

Chorus Of Angels
By Haste The Day

Verse 1:

Chorus of angels
Destroy my silence
That haunts me.
It claims me,
While darkness walks beside me.

Chorus:

I saw the angels sing along
To wake up the beautiful sleeping world.
Their voices will rise to test the strength of man.
Wake up the beautiful sleeping world.

Verse 2:
We will see the fire.
The skies will open up.
The clouds will burn red
And our sins will forget us.
And time will not shake us.
Our hearts are made of gold.
These walls won’t over-take us.
These walls won’t over-take us.

Verse 3:

Chorus of angels,
Lead me in a prayer
That will shake the foundations of the earth.
Wake up now

Short-sighted Man, All Seeing God

2008-11-20T17:58:00.000-08:00

If you have not read my "Christ Will Always Remain", you should. But that is not why I am writing today. I guess I want everyone to know a certain piece of truth. Here it is.

Everyone who doesn't know me, I am Mark Parkhurst. I grew up in a financially unstable home, wondering if we will make it the next month. I did not have a dad around until the age of nine or ten. It was around that time I came to know Christ as my Lord and Savior through Epsom Bible Church's Awana club nights. I eventually attended Cornerstone Christian Academy at Epsom Bible Church and graduated in 8th grade from that school in June of 2004. I then entered into the H.O.M.E.S. homeschooling program that is run by Krista Graham, a member of my church. Now I am a senior in this homeschooling program, wondering what in the world God has for me next.

Like I have told others, life is not going the way I want. What I mean is that if I had a choice, it wouldn't be the way it is and has been. I would have placed myself in a home where money is not an issue. I would of had a dad who loved me always and never leave me. At the age of sixteen, I would of had a job, a license, and a car. I would of had my mind set for what I want to do for a career. I would have had a college in mind, and my life planned out perfectly.

"I would...I want...I'd love to be". No that is not life at all. I know I would like the above, but does God want that for me? You see, I made a choice to live my whole life for Christ and not for my wants and dreams. At the age of ten, I said to Christ, "I want to follow You." Okay, here we are now, almost ten years later. Life hasn't gotten easier at all; in fact, it got a lot harder. Why? Rather than sight, I am living my life by faith. Logically, this is the stupidest thing to ever do. You don't run on a path that you can't see. You have to take precautions; plan out everything. The funny thing is I have, but it left me miserable. The "what if" doesn't get you anywhere; moving forward by faith does. You can waste an entire life if everything is a "what if".

We are only mortals. We are short-sighted and only see what is in front of our eyes. But as Christians, we serve and worship a God Who is all-knowing, Who is all-powerful, and Who is all-seeing. A God Who foresaw our past, Who is seeing the present, and Who planned out our future. Why do we fight Him so much?

I am trying to figure right now what in the world God wants me to do for college this coming fall. Liberty University in Virginia is a nice university, but I don't have anything to pay for it. Word Of Life and the New Hampshire Technical Institute are my current options. Which one, I don't know. Honestly, I don't see what God is doing; but this week, He showed me a few challenging verses:

Proverbs 16:9 - "A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps."

Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Psalm 33:10 - "The LORD nullifies the counsel of the nations; He frustrates the plans of the peoples."

You see, God is sovereign. He is the Creator; we are His Creation. How dare we question God of how our lives should be! He is the One Who defines our life, not us. It all comes down to this: "Who are we really living for?" Is it us? Or is it the Lord Jesus Christ? If we focus on ourselves, of course we are going to freak out over the crashing waves and complain of how miserable life is. But if our focus is on Christ, then we would be fully trusting Him and walking in complete faith, even when our eyes can't see. We would be more worried about our church family and how we can serve them. God only asks us to be faithful in the now, not the tomorrow.

What I am basically saying is this. Plan out your ways, but don't let them be your final destination or you will have a miserable life. God is sovereign, and He knows far better what our future is going to be. If you don't like that, well then tough, because God didn't give you an option. It is your responsibility to obey; remember, you were the one who signed up for this whole thing. If you obey and follow Christ, there will be much reward in Heaven for you. If you are confused in life like I am, simply place your concerns before the Lord and lose yourself in His Word. In His time, He'll reveal your next destination. Don't remain sitting; God can't use you or show you the way if you don't get up and move. Yes, it is hard walking blindly, but you have God leading you. Follow His Spirit. I promise you; you will look back ten years from now and laugh because it all will make sense. God has much bigger plans for you and I than we know. We need to be bold, represent Christ, and continue to grow in our relationship with Him. We need to find our spiritual gifts and use them to build up the Church. God is coming soon, and He expects us to be ready for His return. So surrender everything you have to Christ to gain wealth beyond this world.

Are You Ashamed Of Sin?

2008-11-20T17:56:00.000-08:00

James 3:4-9 says, "Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness. And you know that He was manifested to take away our sins, and in Him there is no sin. Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins has neither seen Him nor known Him. Little children, let no one deceive you. He who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous. He who sins is of the devil, for the devil has sinned from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God."

A child of God does not allow sin to characterize his life. When he sins, he returns to the former state of slavery and darkness, falling under the submission of the devil. Christ came to take away sin. If he habitually sins, he should question if he is saved or not. If he is a child of God, he is no longer a sinner but a saint. A sinner is one who is bound to sin time and time again, and it is what he lives for. A saint is one who will follow Christ, forsaking sin.

We as believers know that sin is wrong because God said so and also His Son died on a cross that we may be freed from its chains. I don’t know about you, but I know I could do much better. With every impure thought, every careless word, every evil intention or feeling, every perverted thing looked upon, and every sin kept hidden, I willfully submit myself to Satan and reject the blood of Christ. Jesus did so much that I may be righteous and holy. In all of this, where is godly fear, where is shame, and where is God? The answer is that I had forsaken and forgotten Him in order that I may satisfy my fleshly desires.

II Corinthians 13:5 says, "Examine yourselves [as to] whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you are disqualified." If I habitually continue in a certain sin, I should question if I am even saved. I have the power of Christ within me and can overcome any sin. I simply need to rely on the power of His Holy Spirit that I may forsake the desires of the flesh (Gal. 5:16+17). If the Light is removed, then darkness will abide; but when God is near, sin doesn’t have a chance.

My challenge to everyone is this. How are you doing in your walk with Christ? Is it simply a Sunday morning at church, or is it an all day everyday thing? Do you love sin more than the Savior who died for you? Do you have sins to confess both to God and other believers? Are there hidden sins that even you don’t know about but others see? Is Christ real to you? If so, then why aren’t you living a real life? Hard questions, I know. They hurt me too, but I’d rather be convicted than live a life of sin. Make an effort to confess your sins and leave them behind in order to follow Christ; you can’t worship two gods. Christ says, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."

Christ Will Always Remain

2008-11-20T17:53:00.000-08:00

I want to explain from a personal stand point that Jesus Christ is everything. I came to a saving knowledge of Christ’s gift of salvation at the age of ten years old. Ever since then I have grown so much from when I was back then, especially in a spiritual sense. Throughout these times, I have been through many situations that made me think life sucked.

Ever since I was born, I never really understood what a true dad was like, even when he came back around ten years later. He stayed a while, but he would ruin my life and leave me in the pits of financial issues with my mom a few years later. We would struggle to get through each day thinking, "Will we make it tomorrow?" Also, the financial issues got so bad that I had to move out which hurt me pretty bad, knowing this would be the last year I would really live under my mom’s roof.

But through all this, Jesus Christ remains faithful. To some, He is a crutch for the weak; and to others, He is an impersonal God. I don’t care what others think. Jesus means everything to me, even at the risk of my own life. Throughout all these times, He walked with and carried me. Isaiah 43:2 says, "When you pass through the waters, I [will be] with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you." I hold close these words, the words of God; and these things He has done. In every trial, God has strengthened and shaped me into a better Christian.

I have realized my life doesn’t matter any more. When everything crashes down upon me, Christ remains. When my family and friends leave, Christ remains. When death comes knocking on my doorsteps, Christ remains. Did you notice? Christ will always remain! Not us!

Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30). Investing my hopes and dreams in earthly things will leave me empty as I try to bring these things to Heaven. Christ died in my place that I may live a life unto His glory, not mine. This may seem selfish of Him, but He created us for Himself. It is our purpose to give back the glory that He gave us. He has all authority over us. Remember, we are only mortal. Isaiah 40:7-8 states, "The grass withers, the flower fades, because the breath of the LORD blows upon it; surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever."

My challenge to everyone is that we know God will always remain when everything fades. He will always remain the same and will always be proven faithful. Throughout every hard time in life, look to Him; He will definitely be your greatest comfort. Lastly, with the time we have on earth right now (this second), let’s live our life for things that will never fade. God will definitely bless your life! I simply have to say God is an awesome God!!